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Gimme Gimme This, Gimme Gimme That: | ||
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By Steve Irsay For the not completely self-absorbed among us, the gift-buying season is here. While many shoppers fret over what to get the proverbial “person who has everything,” we realize there are even harder folks to shop for. For those cases, there is my.style’s multi-part Gimme Gimme Online Gift Guide (GGOGG for short). For The... Because that low-flow showerhead cripples your need for bathroom speed, there is the Downshift Flusher. This aluminum replica of a classic gear shifter works as a toilet handle for almost any type of toilet. The makers promise you’ll “feel the rush of racing when you flush into gear” with this patented, American-made product. The next time you hear what sounds like a revving engine coming from the neighboring bathroom stall, you know it’s got to be the Downshift Flusher. That, or the seven-layer bean dip. (www.downshiftflusher.com) For The... Ladies, now you can have your own “doublemint twins” if you chomp enough B2Up bubble gum, billed as “a natural breast enhancing dietary supplement.” This Japanese treat contains a root extract that mimics the effect of female sex hormone estrogen. When chewed three or four times a day, the “Bust-Up Gum” results in a “rejuvenated look that includes increased breast size, clearer complexion and strengthened hair.” Breast, er, best of all, it’s sugarless! (Hello whiter teeth!) The gum has been scientifically tested in Thailand where, apparently, cup size is on the rise! (www.B2upusa.com) For The... Always forgetting which one goes with beef and which one goes with poultry? Don’t fret: the informational and educational Wine Teasers Wine Game will tell you all about the pinot — grigio and noir, of course. The trivia-style game combines “questions, hints, chance and even the occasional diabolical maneuver” to make wine learning fun. Strangely, the longer the game goes on, the more contentious it gets, until everyone just fall asleep red-faced and happy. The game was created by a librarian in Wisconsin, and if those folks know cheese then, by gum, they’ve got to know wine. (www.wineteasers.com) For The... Jesus: just another Jewish carpenter or Lord ‘n’ savior? Figuring out where you stand on that perennial hot-button issue usually determines, among other things, whether you celebrate Chanukah or Christmas (no disrespect to KwanzaaŠ). But why choose? More than just an answer in the inevitable “The O.C.” trivia game, Chrismukkah is now a bonafide interfaith holiday and we all know what that means — merchandising. The self-professed creator of this not-so-high holy day is turning reverence into revenue with various stocking stuffers (or tchotchkes, as it were). Among them is the new “Chrismukkah Cookbook” containing items like gefilte goose, matzah pizza and gingerbread dreidels. The book is co-created by the former executive chef of the Honeybaked Ham Company, so don’t count on too many kosher dishes. (www.chrismukkah.com) For The... So you don’t have $80 million lying around to spend on an original van Gogh. So what? For $200 you can get a fine knockoff. And not some museum store poster print either. Galerie Dada offers hand-painted reproductions of famous modern oil paintings by the likes of Gauguin and Picasso starting at $175. Some have wondered about the online art house’s secret to creating impressively priced post-Impressionism. According to a gallery spokeswoman, “Our secret is that we now have a studio in Asia where costs are much lower.” Translation: sweatshop labor. How else are you going to get a $200 Matisse? (www.galeriedada.com) For The... Don’t waste that precious floating holiday on real time off. Instead, relax in the comforting confines of your cubicle with the new “3 Minute Vacations.” Available on CD-ROM and DVD, these audio/visual clips turn your computer monitor into a picture window onto 24 fantastic places including Hawaii, Puerto Vallarta, England, Finland and Missouri (?!). And for a really romantic online getaway, you can enjoy surfingŠ for porn. (www.takethebreak.com) For The... If you think “I Fought The Law” is the only legal ditty worth singing, then you’re out of order! Practicing litigation attorney Lawrence Savell’s latest album, “You Don’t Wanna Cross Santa,” is a collection of “humorous original lawyer holiday rock-and-roll songs.” The title track is about the pitfalls of an aggressive litigation strategy against St. Nick. Savell’s previous holiday effort, “Legal Holidaze,” includes such courtroom crowd pleasers as “Catchin’ CLE (The Continuing Legal Education Song),” “North Pole Bar Exam” and the “Jingle Bells” parody “Bill Those Hours.” Buy these holiday albums separately or as part of a three-pack that includes Savell’s “The Lawyer’s Holiday Humor Album.” Just don’t trying any illegal downloading. (www.lawtunes.com) For The... Once upon a time, in a land far, far, away (Tyler, Texas) a grandmother realized that her grandson needed some company. So, she built him a fairy home “so that he could invite a little fairy to come and live and be his friend.” She set about collecting twigs, moss, stones, clay and other building materials and sat beneath a giant pecan tree to work. A similar handcrafted fairy home — which looks a bit like a moldy gingerbread house — can now be yours. “This unique and magical creation will immediately become the center of activity for the fairies around the home,” the sellers promise. (www.gardenfairyhomes.com)
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