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Do you remember when you first met your mate? Remember how fortunate you felt and how happy you were? You probably believed they could do no wrong, because you only saw the light that shone through them. The love that they truly are is what initially caught your eye. You were hooked. 

Fast forward to today. What do you think about that person now? Are they still the best thing since sliced bread? Hmmm. Or, have they become the person who you now blame and criticize?  How do you feel when the expression you see on your partner’s face is one of disappointment or hurt? When you’ve made a statement, so biting, about an action they may have taken, they look at you questioningly, wondering, “How could you think that of me?”

Our words and our thoughts are powerful; sometimes more powerful than we know. Thoughts are something we must closely monitor. Failure to do so can lead to irreparable damage. We cannot take back the things we say, and if we’re thinking it — more than likely, we will eventually say it. After a while, the mean words and false accusations become sealed in our memories, causing an array of mixed, negative emotions. Pain, resentment and anger have no place in a loving relationship. If that is what you are beginning to see, try to do your part to stop it. 

Lately, it’s been necessary that I remind the couples I see in my coaching practice to think the best of their significant other. When something has not gone the way one of the partners would have liked, the relationship is served better when we ask questions and do not make assumptions. When we listen to understand while hearing an explanation, it allows the release of tension that’s been created. Once the stardust has diminished, and the relationship is no longer new, it is still a good idea to see the person in their true luster. The light that captivated you in the beginning still shines in your partner’s eyes. It may be difficult to recognize when you are experiencing a trying time in the relationship. 

Ask yourself, would you really want to be with a person who doesn’t have your back? Would you be with someone who doesn’t have your best interest at heart, or doesn’t want to be with you? I don’t believe you would. Yet, these are some of the things couples say to, and about each other when triggered by something their partner did or said. Overlaying our backstories onto our current relationship will only lead to ill feelings.

I suggest we all clean up our backstories and refrain from including the person we hold most dear to our hearts. If the person with, which we are spending our valuable time is someone we do not trust, we must find the courage to walk away. Otherwise, remember that your partner is on your side, and the two of you are a team. Let’s begin treating them as our partners not our enemies.

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