Welcome to Only in Long Beach’s giant Halloween Issue, which appears every 13 years, more or less.

Today’s terrifying tales (see photos) involve such subjects as:

— A haunted outhouse.

— An evil spirit of a hound.

— A warning near Paris’s Catacomb skulls landmark to anyone who wants to avoid big problems at Customs (snapped by my vacationing daughter, Sarah, of Bixby Knolls).

• Elsewhere, we spotlight a shirt in one kid’s shop that might chill some shoppers until they realized it was meant for 4- or 5-year-olds. It said: “I still live with my parents.”

• In Long Beach, I spotted a Halloween billboard adjacent to an Elm Avenue sign (scary, how close that is to Elm Street! ).

• Meanwhile, a car commercial during the USC-Stanford game showed a dad using his car on the freeway to block a big, runaway pastry that is imperiling his daughter. No kidding. What could be more terrifying than to be threatened by a giant donut?

• Finally, did you read where some fast-food outlets in Long Beach and elsewhere are playing classical music to discourage vagrants from hanging around?

This method has been tried before — as long ago as 1995 newspaper accounts said that Canadian stores had begun playing Barry Manilow for the same reason.

And Manilow could only blame himself: “I write the songs…”

Steve Harvey can be reached at steveharvey9@gmail.com and @sharvey9.

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