Menopause marks the end of a women’s sexual life. ED is inevitable for all retired men. Only sex crazed cougars and dirty old men still want to do it. Sex is best when you’re young and boring when you’re retired.
Many retirees have accepted these patently false and absurd claims. They have allowed the court of public opinion to deny them domain over their own sexuality. They’ve been brainwashed into thinking that it’s game over, for anything happening south of the border, once they’ve retired.
Surveys and studies ranging from the Harvard Medical School to the American Association of Retired People have all challenged these stereotypes and commonly held biases. Their data doesn’t lie and their conclusions are not based on unsubstantiated opinions or old wives tales.
Let’s use their findings to debunk three commonly held myths about sexuality in retirement.
MYTH 1: Menopause and Erectile Dysfunction
Menopause may mark the end of a woman’s ability to be fertility, but it does not mark the end of her ability to experience sexual pleasure. Nor is erectile dysfunction inevitable for all retired men.
A recent national survey conducted by AARP reveals that close to 75% of all 65 plus males had few if any ED issues.
The New England Journal of Medicine states that even though menopause may cause vaginal issues, the clitoris remains as ready and as able as it’s ever been to help achieve those toe-clenching climaxes.
If ED or vaginal issues are factors, then employing those little blue pills and/or a variety of lubricants together with emotional empathy and a wealth of bedroom experience can result in a night of passion too long be remembered.
Bottom Line: We can’t deny that our bodies in retirement are not what they used to be. However, with age comes experience, deeper empathy, and knowing how to create a mutually satisfying sexual experience irrespective of either partners physical challenges.
MYTH 2: Dirty Old men and Sex Crazed Cougars
In our society, physical attractiveness is represented by flawless youth. Receding hairlines, wrinkles, and a protruding gut don’t make the cut.
In the book "Naked at Our Age," the author and sex specialist Joan Price argues that older can be sexy by shifting focus away from perceived flaws and focusing on the things you’ve aways loved. Those intoxicating eyes, that infectious laugh, those soft lips, or the special way you hold one another when slow dancing to your favorite song. These timeless qualities don’t fade away. They can still be as exciting and seductive as the first time that it took your breath away.
No surprise then that a Harvard Medical School study as well as an AARP national survey both report that the percentage of retirees who consider their partner physically and sexually attractive increases with age.
Bottom Line: Stop listening to all those negative, ill-informed pundits on social media platforms. Sexuality in retirement is not undignified. Sex in retirement is beneficial for both your mind and your body. Start listening to your partner who thinks you’re as sexy as you’ve ever been and always remember that beauty and attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder.
MYTH 3: Sex is boring after Retirement
A recent University of California study reported that 70% of the surveyed female retirees experienced increased orgasms as they advanced in retirement. That sounds like anything but boring to me!
Or how about this in a publication from the Harvard Medical School, “Because inhibitions often lessen with age, sex in later life may include a level of experimentation and playfulness you wouldn’t have dreamed of in your younger years."
Bottom Line: Sexuality has no age. It doesn’t belong to any group. Sex is as good as you make it, it’s totally up to you and your partner to make it satisfying, pleasurable and head spinning. Don’t be shy, share your intimate fantasies and desires with your partner. Kick it up a notch.
Feel free to explore and experiment with new kinds of sensuality. Be open. Have fun. Most importantly, stay trusting and connected as you journey together through your retirement FULL SPEED AHEAD.
Allan Goldstein is a retirement coach and Long Beach resident.