Is it possible to have a “knock your slippers off” love life in retirement? What is the full potential for later life sex?
Countless studies confirm that regardless of age, your sex life is what you make of it. If you keep an open mind and work at making things fresh and unpredictable, the sky is the limit. However, if you remain close-minded and stuck in your ways, then boredom can easily rear its ugly head.
According to several current surveys, many young to mid-life male adults report that the goal of climaxing is the “be and end all” of sex for them. They state that it’s all about the destination and it doesn’t have much to do with the journey.
However, as these folks progress into retirement, medical issues may arise and their physical capabilities for having sex could be impacted. They are then faced with the choice of either exploring and embracing new sexual attitudes and techniques or risk throwing the baby out with the bath water.
A publication from the Harvard Medical School highlighted three key three building blocks that are needed to build and maintain a satisfying love life irregardless of challenges that may arise. They are: improving self-awareness, refining communication skills and thinking outside the box.
The report further predicted that if both partners were committed to working on the building blocks, then the result could well be a “knock your slippers off,” deeply connecting, coming together of two people. Below are 12 takeaways from their 2015 report.
Understanding yourself and your partner as sexual beings contributes to improved self awareness. Check out these suggestions.
How much time do you spend learning to cook a special meal or planning a weekend getaway? Consider spending an equal or greater amount of time with your partner trying out new love techniques.
Learn to maintain a rock solid romantic connection with your partner without “doing the deed.”
Spend more time touching, kissing, hugging and cuddling rather than canoodling.
Caress your partner in the way you would like to be pleased. Then have them practice those tingling touches and seductive caresses on you!
Scientific studies report that sexual responses slow down with age, so relax and don’t place any time limit on getting your engine all fired up.
Maturing sexuality hopefully comes with better communication skills. Focusing on the positive, learning to listen, and being honest are essential skills for a satisfying love life.
Don’t be quick to find fault, try resolving problems by examining them in a positive light.
Don’t avoid confiding in your partner about physical challenges. If you feel shy about it, then highlight some passages in a book, have your partner read them and be sure to pick the right time and place for a one on one.
Don’t equate your partner's sexual performance to their commitment or love.
Don’t fall victim to the blame game; rather than pointing fingers at one another try resolving the issue together as a team.
Use your creativity to help keep your love life bold, exciting, and surprising. Try spicing things up with these ideas.
Be adventurous. Rent a hotel suite, jump into the back seat of the car, meet in new locations, experiment with sex toys, role play a favorite fantasy.
Be sensual. Attend to all of your partner's five senses — the soft caress of lips, the seductive melody of a love song, the intoxicating scent of roses in bloom, the hue of romantic candlelight, the sinfully luscious taste of dark chocolate and fine champagne.
Be playful. Take a bubble bath together, serenade one another, skinny dip in the pool, wear seductive under garments, dress provocatively, laugh and let yourself go.
Be daring. Watch a scene in a movie or read a passage from a book to your partner that got your juices flowing, then have fun together acting it out. Try new positions — kamasutra, anyone?
Sexuality and sexual expression are amongst life’s greatest gifts. Don’t squander them. Cherish them. Explore, enhance and enjoy them as you journey FULL SPEED AHEAD down the road of retirement.
Allan Goldstein is a retirement coach and Long Beach resident.