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There used to be a time when satisfaction was something we couldn’t get enough of; hence The Rolling Stones 1965 hit record.

Finally, when the masses found and settled for the aloof feeling, it lost its appeal. Fast forward to the 21st Century, and being satisfied isn’t quite enough.

Today, we like to be wowed! We want that thing that really knocks our socks off — again, and again, and again. This is true in business and also true in relationships.

Anthony (Tony) Robbins says we need to do more than just satisfy our partner; we need to make them a raving fan! We’ve got to do more than just love them. We must worship them! What Robbins says at his relationship seminar is that there are two primary skills we must master when looking for love: Select and Connect. Robbins believes these two skills are necessary to create an exceptional, lasting, loving relationship.

Selecting the correct person for us is most likely more than a notion. It takes time and deep consideration. We first need to understand what it is that we want.

Connecting with the person we have selected includes a thread of commonality. We need to have things in common. Our values must match and seeing a similar picture when looking out over the horizon is necessary.

Passion is another necessary component for a lasting, loving relationship. We must remember connection does not mean control.

Have you ever experienced finding new love and as soon as you are comfortable and fully in the relationship, that is not good enough for your partner? Oftentimes we attempt to change our partner. The exact things that attracted us to them are now the very elements we try to change.

Passion lies under the umbrella of uncertainty, one of our six human needs. When we learn to honor and enjoy the differences of our partner, learning to accept them as they are, the passion will survive and grow. The excitement will remain.

So what are some things that we can do to enhance our current relationship or to create a new one?

1. Make a thorough list of everything you want in a partner and in a relationship.

2. Consider what you must have and must not have.

3. Decide who you must be to have this person/relationship of your dreams.

4. Focus on what it is you want to create and get started.

Dr. Lateefah Wielenga works as a life and relationship coach and is also an ordained minister. She has a private practice in Long Beach. Call 895-0516 or visit for details.

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